I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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