Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
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I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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