'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
