Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
