If that was your dad, he is hot
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
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i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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