I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
