I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize