Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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