Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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