I seem to have left my pride at pride
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
