So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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