she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
