so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
