He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
