I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.