So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
