the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
