i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
