it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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