Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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