I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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