Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
