in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
