So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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