you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
