The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
