I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize