Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
