Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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