Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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