Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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