textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize