His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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