If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
