She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
