vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
