So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im part way to drunk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
