So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
