Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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