i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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