Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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