Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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