he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
