1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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