things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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