fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
