its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
