great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
NoShamevember. You game?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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