I could have mohawked her pubes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
