I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Two words: blizzard sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
