I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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