Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
