Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
