i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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