Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
