You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
