Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
barbara walters just said penis...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
