I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
