Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
