i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
