the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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