We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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