Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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