I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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