I just pynch a tree in the face
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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