somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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