im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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