So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
