how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
