my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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