I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am puke
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
