I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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